diff --git a/src/channel/PhutilChannelChannel.php b/src/channel/PhutilChannelChannel.php
--- a/src/channel/PhutilChannelChannel.php
+++ b/src/channel/PhutilChannelChannel.php
@@ -53,10 +53,12 @@
 
   protected function readBytes($length) {
     $this->throwOnRawByteOperations();
+    return ''; // Never returned but makes static code analyzers happy
   }
 
   protected function writeBytes($bytes) {
     $this->throwOnRawByteOperations();
+    return -1; // Never returned but makes static code analyzers happy
   }
 
   protected function getReadSockets() {